Ring around the Rosie

The other day I'm heading back to my office when I happen to pass an older woman and notice she has an empty Macy's bag tucked up under her arm. I figure what the hey.. the other 80 re-use a bag people didn't take anything but maybe this will be lucky 81. I also notice she has a purse as well, but it doesn't look empty and the strap is pretty small so it's close to her chest. I figure if she takes anything, it will go into the empty Macy's bag.

I stand back a few sections and don't really think she is going to do anything but I see her pick up a few baby outfits and some plush toys and move back in the corner right where my office door is. I'm still back 3 or 4 aisles and all of a sudden she makes a movement like she is putting something in her purse or possibly adjusting it. She comes out from behind the rack and she has NOTHING in her hands. In my mind I had a string of "shitshitshitshitshitshit" going on figuring I missed it and was going to have to let her walk out. So she moves over to the bath accessories and I check where she was standing and I see all the stuff she selected sitting on the floor in a nice neat little pile. Minus one plush toy. Crap. I did miss it.
At this point I reacquire view of my subject who more then likely has the darn toy in her purse but I can't be absolutely sure she didn't put it down somewhere. She is back behind a rack near where our soap dishes and the like are. I don't want to spook her by getting right up next to her and at this point I'm praying she will go back for the other stuff she selected and stashed.
I'm super nervous at this point because out in the middle of nowhere,USA my apprehensions are few and far between and each one feels like my first time again. I'm trying to keep calm and I see the woman come out from the bath section but the Macy's bag is open, she is carrying it, and I can tell it's got some weight to it now. Darn. Missed it again.

Shitshitshitshitshitshit.

I walk by her and sneak a peek in the bag and can see a few items in the bottom. At this point she walks back to children's and right to the spot where she left her selected merchandise. I literally DIVE to the floor under a rack banging my knee on a shelf in the process but just in time to watch her set her bag on the ground and deposit our merchandise in to the bag. Sweet. I got her.

So she mosies on for 10 more minutes selecting a few more things and popping them into the bag. I backed off so as not to spook her. As long as that bag stayed full I was good to go. She goes over to a rack near the door and looks at some more toys. Then BAM this old fat lady is out the door quicker then I can blink! Crap crap crap!

Now to appreciate this next part you have to have a visual of the front of the store. On either side of the entrance are very large white pillars. Very large. Would need a few people to link hands to reach around it.

So, I see this woman go out the door and I literally throw over my shoulder all the merchandise I had been holding. I see her turn around just outside and look at me as I'm running for the exit, then she heads to the left of the building. I get outside, look to the left..... No shoplifter. Huh?
I walk around the pole twice and keep catching a glimpse of this woman's foot. She is chasing ME around the pole? Oh for the love of god.
I finally get smart and turn around and go the opposite way and run smack in to her. She hands me the bag and tells me how sorry she is and she didn't mean to do it, she was coming back in to return the stuff.. yada yada yada. Turns out she was in her 50's... and a med student. Go figure.

Almost wished I had that one on video. I imagine the three stooges routine around the pole would have made for good re-viewing.